I never cease to embarrass myself.
I went to church on Saturday to attend Seng Kiong's wedding with Irene (which turned out to be my senior in ACS! Small world!). I didn't know which one was Seng Kiong. I went to the best-man...

"Seng Kiong, right?"

"No, I'm Leonard." *points to Seng Kiong*

*FeR wished she could sink into the floor*

No wonder the guy looked so familiar...I thought I saw him resembling his father but AGH! It turned out it was because we were introduced in church before. He was Seng Kiong's brother. Aiyoh! So embarrassing. Couldn't really bring myself to look at them after that. So paiseh! But I guess they were too busy/excited to remember, I hope.

*whooopsies!*

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After so many years, she wasn't unfaithful to you...she stuck with you through thick and thin. This is what you give her in return? What wrong did she do to deserve this? Nothing. She did nothing wrong at all to deserve this kinda shitty treatment. If you ever possess such a thing called conscience, you wouldn't even THINK about doing this to her. How could you? How could you? I really don't understand. Men. How could you? Why? Why? Why? I hate you. I don't want to but I hate you for doing this when clearly you know it's wrong. I hate you but I won't say anything. Judgement would be from God, not from me. If you can't do such a simple thing right, you don't deserve people's respect towards you. I'm angry but yet I can't do anything.
So you would rather see her cry and be selfish. To only think of me, me, me, me, me, me and me. You're a selfish pig. If only I could, I would...take her away and keep her safe. From people like you. She puts in 100%...you just take and take and take and take. Never giving back is another issue...but to hurt her is unforgivable.
God, forgive me for saying this again but I hate him. She doesn't deserve this.

Men gang rapes because they need to prove their manhood? My goodness...these people actually give men a bad name.

This article was in today's YouthQuake (my family subscribes to NST). How can you have a plan in mind to get a "victim" and then turn around to say, "She deserves it." It disgusts me to think that one would dare confess his participation in gang-rapes (albeit anonymously), not feeling the least bit sorry for his victims...instead he talks about getting what the girls deserved? *shrugs*

Yes, keep the efforts in hoping that God would forgive you. The key word : hope.

These stories remind me that I should really be thankful that I have a bunch of good guy friends I could trust and be safe with - uhmm...I think? *hehe* These sicko's give guys a bad name. I mean the rapist, not my guy friends.
I remember Jin Keat's friend asking me this question when they came and pick me up at Sheffield's train station...

"Aren't you afraid? Being the only girl in this car with 4 other guys in an unknown place?"

My confident answer was, "Jin Keat is here-mah. I trust him." Cewah!

Picture this...

You walk into a naturally bright room. You hear people coughing...some may be wheezing. All of them are sitting on individual beds, dressed in green gowns. You look at one of them, she seems to have teary eyes...you shift your gaze at another, she looks tired and deflated.
Then, you see women in white uniforms bringing a few plastic containers with orange-y liquid.
Those women who were sitting on individual beds suddenly perked up. They looked pretty eager to see the containers being distributed. Women who were young, old, fat, thin, wrinkly, short, tall, dark, fair.
As the liquid turned into vapour, the women inhales the gas as deeply and as quickly as they could. You hear sighs of relief from every corner of the room. The women seem much more relaxed now and happy. They are now more receptive to you and your counselling.

This whole thing reminds me of drug dependent people (drug addicts, to be blunt) getting their fix. But it was actually just patients getting their daily nebulisers for their asthmatic conditions. *hehe*

I am so stressed up. Actually, what defines "stress"? Why am I saying I'm stressed?

Anyway, I'm just all junked-up inside with worries/emotions - I think that's the cause of my chronic headache lately.

I just found out today that the new pharmacist-in-charge of patient counselling increased the counselling "quota" to 80 patients (minimum, she wrote. *pfft!*) instead of the previous 50! AGH! And we've to reach that number in case she uses that against us when we need their evaluation report at the end of our pupillage. ERGH!
You know why she increased it to 80? She was flipping through our "record book" (a few, cheap notebooks stucked together) and saw some of the "older" pupils' records, some were well over 70 patients. So she decided she would increase the quota. Great. Of ALL people's record...she chose those with the highest number of counselling to compare with. What about me? What about my ruddy 26 patients?! She doesn't care, she doesn't give two hoots...and I wouldn't either if at the end of my time, I couldn't fulfil the quota. I would just go to the wards, get a few stickers off some patients, stick it into the record book. Go check the patient's BHT (bed head ticket - those metal file-thingy that the doctors would look at when they come see you) one by one if you have the time to make sure I really did the counselling. *pfft*

And I've not even started my project on patients living with epilepsy. I don't know how to.

And I've got a stupid exam to worry about. Without passing this exam, I can't get registered as a pharmacist. Great. Just peachy.

Whinings aside, there was an accident yesterday just in front of the pharmacy (the one where I work part time). It was really bad - between a car and a motorcycle. I didn't see it happening, only saw the "aftermath". Basically, two were on the motorcycle (I would only talk about them because obviously they would be the one with the more serious injuries) - one got his face all bloody, another broke a limb (I think). The one whose face was all bloody apparently fell and he got dragged face down - he was bleeding from his nose, chin, cheeks. Jasmine helped him clean the wounds with antiseptic lotion - the guy was screaming/groaning his head off. In the end, we gave him normal saline to wash his face (because normal tap water isn't clear of bacteria - wouldn't want him to get an infection).
As for the other guy, he was sitting down right behind my car. He couldn't move and that's why they suspected he broke his leg or somewhat. We called the ambulance but they didn't arrive at all! There was one ambulance speeding along on the opposite side of the road after about 15 minutes...but they didn't turn back to pick up the poor fella! They just went "losting" after that.
I was quite mean but I was just being "practical". I was telling Joanne, "Uhm...great. How are we going to get home with him being just at the back of my car?! Why there of all places?" *hehe* But in the end, the father of the guy came to pick him up to send him off to the hospital, I think. Apparently he was the least considerate/insensitive father. His first question in Cantonese was...

"May say tuck, hi my?" (read in English)
[You're not dead yet, right?]

He just lifted the poor guy who was squirming in pain - ignoring the fact that if one has broken limbs, you don't simply move 'em - put him in the car and sped off.

We don't know who was in the wrong. There was a loud bang and thereafter only we knew that an accident had happened. I didn't even hear the bang because I was on the phone concentrating to listen to a rather fussy, frequent customer. Basically, the motorist can't blame it all on the car driver. They were without helmets. They look too young to have licences, too.

The funny thing : The front bumper of the Wira fell off but the motorcycle seemed alright. Speaks a lot about our cars...

Event of the day : We went for cheese crabs today as to celebrate Fue Chin's birthday (which actually falls on the 28th). It was rather good. I said "rather" because I was so slow in eating, the subsequent portions were all cold. It's good when it's hot - yummmm...cheeeeeeese...

Have not heard from her for a long time. Wonder what's up with her.

There's a lot on her mind but it's not something she could just say out loud to anyone. She's going through some financial and emotional problems now. Actually, she doesn't spend much...in fact, she seems quite stingy. Maybe she has her reasons...she's becoming rather anti-social - rejecting invites to go out, have lunch/dinner, being reluctant in joining birthday plans because the thought of having to spend more money when she wants to spend less.
She likes to give presents to people because she knows that everyone needs to feel special once in a while. These few months hasn't been too good on her. Birthdays are coming, some are gone...yet she couldn't do anything for her friends, not even a simple thing like making a card because she doesn't feel like it - now that's another story. She feels awful but hasn't got much choice. If she were to continue thinking about others at this present time, she would never get to solve her problem at hand - ever. She couldn't go to anyone for help either.
You see her still going through everyday as if nothing's wrong - but behind closed doors, her heart breaks in pieces as she cries out to God for help and deliverance.

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I flopped my forensic exam. It's sickening. Must I do everything twice or more? Can't I ever get anything right the first time? Why me? AGH! And bloody heck, it's an open book exam. What runs through my own head is, "Which loser can sit for an open book exam and fail?"

*points at self*

Ridiculous isn't it? What if I fail the second time? Why don't they have a different exam paper for dumb-er people? I'm having this paranoid feeling of "what if's"...

Somebody shoot me.

I want my own site. But when I get it, I'm sure to be at lost on what to do with it. Why?
Right now my mind only goes, "I want, I want, I want." After, my mind would go "Why? What for actually?"

Anyway, I'm not supposed to be working tomorrow but I am. I'm not supposed to work on the coming Monday but I am going to. Most of the people in the pharmacy department is going for a trip to Langkawi - there isn't anyone covering TPN and TPN must go on, y'see. So I made a bargain with my supervisor that I'll come back to work on these two days and she'll let me claim time-off. I haven't got much holidays left so it's a good deal! *hehe*

As for next Saturday, I won't need to take a day off from my allocated off-days to attend Uncle Dick's (our cell leader) son's wedding. *yay!* My first Christian wedding! I thought Hazel's would be my first one but still...hers would be the first of my own friends' wedding. Lar dee darrr!

Today I was in the TPN room for 4 hours because we had to prepare 14 TPN bags - we had to work through lunch hour. Total expenditure for today was about RM 1,798.

Office politics can be stinky. Imagine, even in the government service. Sheesh. My lesson from this : Say nothing at all. Act dumb. Sometimes you just feel so dissatisfied that your superior does not defend your rights for you - and you can't say anything either because you are in no position to do so and be heard. Grrrrr!!!

And korkor would say, "Welcome to the working world, stupid." (yea, my own brother calls me "stupid" instead of my name - sometimes. *hehe*)

Let's start fresh. I feel that my blog seems so cluttered up!

Maybe it's taking time to remember why I started blogging in the first place.

Maybe I need a rest. It takes more effort to write nonsense than sensible stuffs. *haha*

I saved my previous entries and I'm going to make hard copies of them. I felt a tinge of sadness as I clicked on "Delete this blog" - a little horrified thereafter that I really did click on it...and everything's gone. Oh well.

So I start new on blogspot, February 18th 2004.